Knowing God

As anyone who frequents my blog will know, I spend considerable time wondering about how I might know God more. I want to be excited about Him and have a passion like Jeremiah where I can't help but talk about Him. However, I also want to make sure that I do this in a gracious way. I think that my past year of being somewhat dry has helped to prepare me to enjoy Him, but in a way that doesn't come across as quite so obnoxious.

I think that a problem I've had is that I tend to pursue feelings. Yet when I mentor students I keep emphasizing that we know God primarily through Scripture. I have dismissed some things in seminary because I didn't want mere head knowledge. However, last night I started learning about some things in my Old Testament class that got me excited. This helped me to realize that head knowledge counts too as long as it fuels a deeper love and appreciation for God.

What was this? We did a survey of the Torah last night. It turns out that the English word "law" doesn't do the word "Torah" justice. Torah is really more about instruction than it is about law. Yes, there is law in the Torah, but we have to understand that all of the narrative, poetry, and law exists to instruct. Note this in Joshua 1:

Jos 1:7-8 ESV
(7) Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.
(8) This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

"This Book of the Law" refers to what we call the Pentateuch. I didn't realize this, but the Pentateuch is meant to be one very long book. I also learned that there is a unity to the book, though of course not uniformity. What is interesting is that there is a pattern of narrative, poetry, and then prologue. You can see this in places like Genesis 2 and Genesis 4. But it gets even cooler when you look at Genesis 49, Numbers 24, and Deuteronomy 31-32. There is a consistent theme about how a king is going to come from Judah. Note the scepter references too.

In other words, this just speaks to the fact that the Pentateuch is not just a collection of stories. It's not just put together from fragments of documents. It doesn't just document the evolution of Israel's theology. No, it is a very long book written by Moses under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

I think this is very cool and it increases my awe and wonder at who God is. I've decided I'm going to let go and start marveling at learning about God's Word. I'm kind of excited to be home.

Keeping On

The longer I live the more I am convinced about how phony we all are as Christians and people in general. By that I mean how we react when people ask us "how you doing?". Of course, it is normally not meant as a real question, but as a form of "hello". Nevertheless, there are times when the question is genuine and expects a genuine answer. I think of how rarely I do give the genuine answer.

Truth is, I struggle at times. Lately I find myself sometimes looking at stuff that I probably shouldn't. It's easy to follow a link to a news headline that I shouldn't, for example. I know where this road goes, so I shouldn't even look at the street signs. There was a time when I wouldn't even think of it, but I am not quite as zealous as I once was.

As I deal with this, I consider how men around me must be. As with most churches, everyone looks great on Sunday morning. There just isn't time to talk about the craziness at work, the wife being sick for a while, the new alternator for the car, etc. This is the value of small groups, but I don't know how much of that we got in my small group either. We did get some, which I guess is pretty good considering it's all men.

Once again I am reminded of the need for deeper Christian friendships. Amanda is my best friend, but I also need some men to help pull me along. I'll be interested to see what kind of small group comes from the men's retreat. I think that I will do some things differently though. I think I'm going to be more visibly passionate about Christ and not hold so much back.

This is how I feel sometimes:

Jer 20:8-9 ESV
(8) For whenever I speak, I cry out, I shout, "Violence and destruction!" For the word of the LORD has become for me a reproach and derision all day long.
(9) If I say, "I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name," there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.

I don't want to hold back!

Recovering the Passion

My seminary had its fall convocation on Thursday. One of my professors brought us a great challenge from Jeremiah 9:23-24. The point was that as seminary students we know a lot about God, but how much do we really know God? This was a great challenge for me and one that I needed to hear.

I've had a persistent gnawing at my soul that I need to feast more richly in Christ. As I've gone through the Psalms as part of my Bible in a year plan I have grown to appreciate them more and more. Of course, as someone who is not always delighting in the Lord they are a challenge for me. This whole thing has got me looking back a little bit at my initial days of freedom.

I remember when we first moved out to North Carolina. I was in my first year of freedom from sexual sin and I was starting to find freedom from gluttony and laziness. The idea of going anywhere near inappropriate images was completely foreign to me. I was on fire for the Lord and, frankly, was kind of obnoxious. I was in the "cage-stage" as a Calvinist. However, I was pretty happy about it.

I think in the past year or so I've definitely become more gracious in how I deal with others, which I think is a good thing. However, I think that this has come at a cost of some of my passion. I think that in my desire to be less of a jerk I have reined in too much of my passion. I feel some stuff sort of melting around my heart as I try to let some of this go.

I'm not sure how this will all shake out. I don't want to be as obnoxious as I once was since I think I was pretty insufferable at times. However, I also don't want to become emasculated as a Christian just so I can be easier to stand. I'll be interested to see how this all plays out.