End of an Era

I resigned from Setting Captives Free today. It was very, very hard to do it. However, I think that this will ultimately be for the best. I just don't have the time for it anymore. I found myself spending at least an hour of every workday on it, which I just couldn't do with a clear conscience. Plus, my attitude has been slowly degrading. I just don't care about my students like I should.

It is very hard to leave behind all the people who were serving under me. I kept hearing about how much they appreciated me and were praying for me. Plus, the leaders above me have consistently expressed their love and appreciation for me. It's hard to leave like this, but I think it's time.

I don't know what God has in store in the short-term, but I do think that the 5 1/2 years I spent serving with SCF will be a great foundation for any future ministry to which I may be called.

Buying Time

Is anyone left out there? I feel badly leaving the blog for 3 weeks. First there was OSU-Michigan, which turned out well, but ate up a day. Then there was the long Thanksgiving week. Then there was the week of catching back up. Here we are now.

I've decided that I need to reclaim some of my time. One way I'm doing that is by reducing my workload with SCF. I'm now going to focus on The Lord's Table and mentoring there. It's tough because I always considered the purity course to be my "core competency," but I know that I have to let some things go. It's really been a pride thing, I think.

Speaking of purity, I know that at times I am on the edge with this. I have lost the fervent zeal that I once had. I think that I've become complacent in my freedom. By that I mean that I forgot what it was like to keep up the shields all the time. I can feel little chinks forming in the armor.

Also, speaking of time, I may very well be taking 3 classes next semester. My school is going to start transitioning to day classes starting in 2009, so I'd better get a move on with all my core classes. I hope that I can finish and keep working at the Bank.

Feeling Dry

I've been doing a pretty good job of updating the family blog, but I realize that I've been kind of slack here. What's the problem? I'm feeling a bit dry.

I'm starting to feel a bit burnt-out with Setting Captives Free. I think it's just a matter of the time taking its toll. I seem to go through this near the last third of each semester, so I think it's just a cyclical thing. However, it's not a lot of fun. I want so much to revel in what Christ is doing in people's lives. To do any less is really to cheapen God's grace.

School is going well. We're off this week because my professor is in San Diego for a couple of conferences. We're off next week for Thanksgiving. It was hard, but I did manage to get through my Greek translation today. Normally I do this on Sunday or Monday and then review every day up until class, but I just couldn't get it going. Amanda called me one of the most disciplined students she knows, but stuff like this is hard for me.

Meanwhile, I've got my one page paper on Ruth only half-written. I need to get done with that so I can move on.

I think that it would be good for me just to relax a bit tonight. I haven't done much of that lately.

Unplugging

I support the blackberry environment at my company. Some people refer to these little devices as "crackberries" because they are almost as addictive as crack. People like to stay connected and some families have had problems because mom and dad can't put the things down. They just feel compelled to keep doing email. I often laugh with the people in my company who are like that. Then I get smug and think about how I'm not like them.

A good friend of mine hosts my email. The ISP that hosts his mail relay was down for 32 hours, so I wasn't getting any email. I get a LOT of email every day and this was starting to bother me last night. It was OK during the day since I probably shouldn't be doing a lot of personal email during work hours anyway, but it stopped being funny as I went to bed last night. It just started working again in the last hour and my old messages are trickling in.

I've come to realize that I am no different than my workaholic team lead. I am no better than those salespeople who like to think that the Bank will shut down without them. I think this email outage was a good reminder to me that I am not Setting Captives Free. I'm just someone who helps out by grace alone. God is in charge of all this and I'm just a tool in His hands. I need to remember that.

This also reminds me that I need to be careful when I do get into full-time ministry. I could see how it can take over someone's life if they aren't careful.

Squeezing the Turnip

Today started off innocently enough in SCF-land. In fact, I was greatly encouraged by a mentor emailing the discussion group asking for help in rotation. It seems that she was starting to feel overwhelmed. She actually quoted my previous messages where I told mentors that the answer to going off of the mentor rotation is not to get off, but to get more on. That is what she was doing.

Rotation is like being in a line to receive new students. Once you get one you go to the back of the line until everyone else in the line gets one. And so on. If few people are in line then you get a lot of students. If the line is long and enrollments are steady then you don't get so many. It's simple math, but it is a step out in faith because if your fellow mentors get out of the line then you will end up with a lot of students.

I sent several messages to the group exhorting the mentors to get on rotation and stay on for as long as possible. Some mentors felt like I was trying to guilt them into going on rotation. Some also thought that perhaps I was being insensitive to all the things that they have going on. I challenge anyone to show me that they are much more busy than I am. Some may be, but I suspect it is not very many. I write this not to brag, but to make the point that I'm only trying to lead where I've already gone.

At any rate, this process has given me some insight as to what it must be like when a pastor needs to preach on giving so that the church can make ends meet. If everyone at my church gave $100/month we would have very few budget shortfalls. And, in fact, we could do so much more.

How we spend our time really shows where our hearts are. I say that a person's bank statement and day-planner show what is important to that person. I like to think that mine are in line with my values, but there is always room for improvement.

The Sweet Taste of Victory

As any reader of my blog knows, I graduated from The Ohio State University. I've seen some good football teams since 1991. And I've seen many disappointments. Last night was a crushing disappointment when OSU just went into the tank on the big stage. Seeing them get manhandled like that felt like a punch in the stomach. I do, however, notice that the sun still came up today.

Why the title of this post? As I go through my SCF emails I see so many stories of victory. There is the story of Bernie who restarted The Lord's Table because he wasn't "getting it" and humbly submitted to my instruction to restart. Last night he went out for pizza with his wife and left 2 slices for today's lunch. There is the story of John who has been walking in newfound freedom for weeks and is just loving it. There is the story of a guy who had struggles with pornography and has enjoyed over 2 weeks of freedom from its pull.

I've been praying lately for God to soften my heart about these stories. I think that it's happening. I feel that excitement in my chest that I used to get. It's so wonderful to see how God is changing lives and it's a real privilege to be a part of it. He doesn't need me for anything, but He chose to allow me to be a part of this. What an honor!

This gives me the proper perspective. And I suspect that if I talked to Jim Tressel he would agree.

Getting Established

2 Chronicles 12:1 ESV
(1) When the rule of Rehoboam was established and he was strong, he abandoned the law of the LORD, and all Israel with him.

I read this today and it hit me right between the eyes. Lately I feel my heart wandering away from the sure foundation of Christ. I've found myself sorely tempted by the internet. I've found myself nibbling on more food than usual. I know that much of this is because of the stress of Amanda being brought down by this pregnancy. I can't imagine how I would do if she were on bed rest!

Yesterday I felt my heart shift. I feel a much deeper peace now than I have in a long time. I've had this come and go before, so I want to make sure that this lasts. I just know that if I keep trying to do so much on my own strength I am bound to fall back into sin. God has shown me glimpses of it all year. In fact, I would say that 2006 was my worst year for purity since I came to Setting Captives Free. I suspect that starting seminary has much to do with it. I also think that overextending myself has something to do with it as well.

As I look at my schedule for today, I see the following things that need to get done:

1. Do my review of Philippians since I memorized it
2. Review my memorization of James, Ephesians, and both Peters
3. Review my Greek vocabulary
4. Do the weekly bank download into MS Money
5. Read at least 150 pages of a book in preparation for my class that starts Wednesday
   

I realize that these things are not that big of a deal, but they add up. More and more I see the need for some whitespace. I wonder if my lack of it is part of the problem I have in my life.

I'm not a big one for New Year's Resolutions, but December 31 certainly is a natural time for introspection. What I see is a need for a little more space in my life. Ironic that I come to this realization just before embarking on an incredibly busy time with this upcoming class. If seminary is something I should do (I think it is) then it is also something that I need to make space for. I'm not sure what will give, but it's something that I think requires some prayer. I'd appreciate any petitions you can bring before God for me.

The Perils of Being Skinny

I did a little inventory today with the weight tracker I must use weekly. At this time in 2002 I weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 192 pounds. This morning I weighed 166 and that is up from 164.5 last week. Part of the gain has to be from recovering from my stomach bug and part has to be from having a little too much at Christmas. Nevertheless, I consider myself freed from the bondage I once had to food and laziness. It feels good.

But not today in my office. Why not? It's freezing in here. I have a coworker who has less body fat than me and he too is very cold. We think we might have discovered the thermostat for our area in an adjoining conference room. If that thermostat does indeed control the temperature in our area then we are going to be in trouble any time there is a meeting with very many people. This is especially true since so many of our associates struggle with maintaining a healthy weight.

Being cold almost makes me miss my fat. But not quite.