Letting Go

Like any red-blooded American, I can identify scars from my parents. I think if we're honest we can all find ways that our parents affected us in good ways and bad. I remember a youth pastor once telling me, "You know, I wonder if kids wouldn't be so screwed up if they didn't have parents." (he said this referring to his own son) But now that I'm a parent I understand more of their side of this. I think they did the best they were capable of doing. The good news is that I can let this go because of Christ.

But as I think about my past, one thing I'm sure of is that I was always loved. I was a pretty good kid and didn't do too many stupid things. I had my pyro phase like most boys do. I wasn't very respectful and loving toward my mom. But I never did some of the spectacularlly stupid things that many kids do.

I still feel their love even as I've made some choices in my adult life that I'm sure they didn't particularly like. I know my mom wasn't happy when my first job was in Florida. And I know that she was really unhappy when I got married and moved to California. She wasn't even happy when we moved to the Raleigh area, even though we're now only a 10 hour drive away.

My dad isn't real vocal about his feelings, but I'm sure he wasn't very happy about some of of this either. Yet he was always supportive. And with both he and mom I'm sure that they love me.

What this tells me is that I've got to be ready for Lily to make some choices with which I disagree. She already does now, but those are small things that a 2 1/2 year-old does. What happens when she starts making big life decisions like choosing a career, a place to live, or a spouse? What happens if I don't like those decisions?

I realize that I can't control her life. My goal is to give her such a hunger for God's Word that she has a biblical worldview. I don't want to stifle her with religion, but I want for her to be someone I can trust. I may not agree with what she does, but I know that if she trusts Jesus then I can trust her. We all make mistakes. I've made some and God took care of me anyway. He loves me despite my sins and I know that my parents love me too. Loving the person when you dislike the actions seems incredibly contrary to my nature. But I know that it's something I'll need to do at some point. I'll train her up in the way she should go and trust God to take care of Lily.

That seems much harder than trusting Him with my life...