Heart Transplant

Jer 9:1 ESV
(1) Oh that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people!

I read that and am really humbled and saddened. I do not have that kind of heart for the lost. Sure, I work in my ministry and help those who are in bondage to sin. I guess that's a form of helping the lost. However, do I really wish that my head were waters so that I could cry more for them?

To be honest, I don't do a lot of gut-wrenching praying over my students. This concerns me a bit. It's so easy to think of these men as just email addresses. These people hurt. They came to our ministry because they saw no other way. It's good that they want to have their hope in Jesus. That is altogether right that they should do so. But what do I give them?

Sure, I write decent responses. I'm slowly learning how to be gentle and gracious. But am I doing it just out of a sense of duty or because I sincerely desire to see captives set free?

I think part of the problem is that my heart grows accustomed to feelings that I develop. By that I mean that I tend to always have some dissatisfaction with my spiritual life. I keep yearning for more. I think this is good, but I also need to recognize why I started something in the first place. I started working with SCF because I wanted to help people. I think part of me also wanted to be recognized and to be an authority. Now that I'm the Executive Director of The Lord's Table I realize that, as Solomon would put it, this is vanity. Being in charge is not all it's cracked up to be. But I know that, at the time, I was the best person to do this and I responded to the call.

Anyhow, I always have this yearning for more. I am glad that I hunger Him. But do I hunger for Him to the exclusion of other things? Do I hunger for God more than for food? How about more than sex? Video games? Learning the guitar? Family time? Ministry time?

Getting back to the original point, I just wonder about how much I really have a heart for the lost. I want to talk about the gospel more. I'm going to seminary because I want to be part of God's plan to change lives through the gospel. I want to spend time with those who do not have a relationship with God so that I can be a part of sharing the good news with them. I want to find gracious, loving, and effective ways to evangelize.

So I guess I do have a heart for the lost. But shouldn't it burn more?