Loving My Wife

Ephesians 5:25-33
(25) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
(26) that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
(27) so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
(28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
(29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
(30) because we are members of his body.
(31) "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
(32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
(33) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

I have often said that this passage and James 4:17 are what govern my marriage. For the most part, I do a pretty good job. However, I also realize that I could do much better. The problem is that I do the things that I think are important to Amanda. I'm great about running errands and getting the kids out of her hair. She appreciates that, but what she wants more than anything is tenderness and affection.

I'm not a real affectionate guy. In fact, I'm pretty dispassionate about a lot of things. Sadly, that often includes my wife. I'm all for sexual intimacy, but I'm not so much for giving her non-sexual affection. This is something that I've been praying about lately.

I have rationalized this in the past by recognizing that Amanda is often pretty crabby in the evenings. This is by her own admission. Noah is wearing her out and if Lily pulls any of her antics it makes things very difficult for her. How do I show affection to someone that is hard to be affectionate toward at the time?

The answer hit me when I was running yesterday. I am to love her as Christ loves the church. Is the church always easy to love? Is it always easy to show grace toward the church? I don't think so. Christ loves us no matter how much we try to push Him away. That needs to be my example to follow. It's not just about service, but it's also about genuine kindness and affection no matter what.

Men, how are you doing with this? I sure hope you're better at it than I am!